Hello, Addicts!
How has everyone been during the break? Have you survived without us? Well, no need to fear, no need to fret, our fearsome fifteen and the horroraddicts.net team are back this week.
Did you all enjoy Episode #140? It has been a little while so I will give you a reminder. The last episode was a bit of a change up from the “norm” and the writers were challenged to write a script. The script was for a spoof commercial for a make-believe horror product. This was a great way to stretch the writing muscles that are not normally stretched in the horror genre. The spoof had to be original and funny. The mini prize was to have their script professionally produced.
The spoofs that made it through to the semi-finals were Dead Fresh Air Freshener by Fiend, Earl King by Jonathan, The Spoof is Happening by AE, Fang Blings by Jess, Full Moon Undies by Naching, MonsterMatch.com by Timothy, Little Bites Kiddie Coffin by Daphne, Home Stench Plugins by Grave by Sumiko.
The fearsome fifteen were in fine form this episode. All of the semi-finalist did a great job, their commercials were all hilarious and on point. But, alas, only three could make it through to the finals. Fang Blings, MonsterMatch.com and Full Moon Undies were the chosen ones.
This brought about discussions about Monster Body Positivity and the such. This led me to think about dating monsters or horror movie/book characters or bad guys in general.
I have recently noticed that, as a young girl, a had a thing for bad guys. This is not something that I am particularly proud of but it is something that I have noticed now that I am older. Anyone from Jareth from the Labyrinth, the Erl King from Raymond E Feist’s Faerie Tale, even the Riddler from Batman (1966 not Jim Carrey’s) So, I had to ask the fearsome fifteen “If you had to (or got to) date a monster or horror character who would you choose and why?” And I got some very interesting answers.
I would normally chop a little to keep them short or choose only three or so to add, but I just loved everyone’s answers. But here are the six answers that made the cut.
“I would date a siren. I love music so I think we would probably get along pretty well. Unless she liked Nikki Minaj, in which case I do not think we would be very compatible.”
– Timothy
“I’ve had the hardest time answering this. “Horror character” just left so many possibilities. Ultimately though, my answer would be Spike, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Although I don’t normally like vampires entering into my romantic dreamworld, I’ve had a crush on Spike most of my life at this point. There’s something about a bloody awful poet turned kick ass bad boy that’s as irresistible as his British accent. I loved the black nail polish, the bleached hair, the singing voice – and of course, he’s the type of man who can really get away with wearing black leather. I also love that he’s so passionate about everything he does. When he’s in love with someone, there’s no limit to what he’ll do to redeem himself in their eyes. The other great thing about Spike (as opposed to my other fictional monster crushes) is that his great love story is one-sided. Unlike many of the other people I considered, if we were dating, I wouldn’t be breaking up a couple that was perfect for each other.”
– Cat
“In horror, most of the monsters are pretty undesirable as potential mates. Paranormal romance is a bit better, but it’s still drama-filled. I would go with a safe monster. I like Reuben Golding in Anne Rice’s Wolf Gift because even though he’s technically a monster, being a werewolf, he’s kind of like Bruce Wayne, and I do love Batman. Reuben is probably less Byronic that Batman. And I do love my Byronic heroes. Come to think of it, maybe the older gent, Felix Nideck, who is darker, more mysterious, and Byronic as all get all would be better, but I think he’s gay, so I’ll stick with Reuben. The werewolves in Wolf Gift only kill and eat the really evil people, like chomos. They hunt as a back, and they keep murdering, dismembering, and gobbling down corrupt Catholic Priests and rings of child molesters. They’re almost like superheroes. When they aren’t killing off the wicked – who they can smell, and sense, with their Ghost Rider like superpowers, they have lots of fun sexy times with their pack mates. Wolves mate for life, don’t you know, so even the not so monogamous ones, while not faithful, are loyal as all get all. That’s hot.”
-Sumiko
“If it were my choice, I’d go with a heroine archetype, like Laurie Strode, from the original Halloween, who was intelligent and resourceful, or Mina Murray, from Dracula (the book version), who was so diligent, so sweet and loving, that she managed to overcome being corrupted by the monster. My perfect date, I think, would be Evelyn Carnahan, from The Mummy (the 1999 film), who was a kick-ass librarian (just imagine all the stories she would know about Egypt and its mythology. Amazing). If I had to, that would mean I would not have a choice. However, this being hypothetical and all, I’d have to go with the devil, as portrayed in the Bedazzled remake. It’s always fun to make a wish just for it to be granted the wrong way (or the right, too literal way). Either that or with a succubus. Succubi seem cute.”
-JC
“I absolutely love Gary Oldman’s portrayal of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. There is something so alluring about a dangerous man that would drain the world, but save one – the woman that his dark heart has always loved. I think my favorite line, the one that popped into my head as soon as you asked us this question, was when Dracula says, “I have crossed oceans of time to find you”. It’s so timelessly romantic, and I’ve always loved that. It’s definitely one of my favorite films.”
-Riley
“When I was young, I had a crush on the cutest, sweetest, funniest vampire ever. He had a terrific green complexion and a snappy wardrobe. He was a great father, grandfather, and animal lover. Yes, I had a crush on Grampa Munster and if you had asked me thirty years ago who I would date, he would’ve been my answer.
Would I answer the same today? Are you crazy? No way! I’m a happily married woman!
I also wear glasses.”
-Naching
Bahahahaha … Love it, Naching.
So, if you don’t already know, I will not hold back any longer! MonsterMatch.com by Timothy took home the mini prize this episode. You can go and read the script here or listen to it here. All the congrats go out to #TeamTimothy and MonsterMatch.com
I must say, I am super excited for this next challenge! The challenge for episode #141 is a 650-700 word horror romance poem. It can be rhyming or free form, but it must have a horror romance theme. It will be judged on sexiness, style, and theme. It can be erotic but porn, rape and/or pedophilia is strictly forbidden. The love must be between two consenting adults. “Think Morticia and Gomez,” says Emz.
So make sure you join us for this next episode, where things are going to heat up! Bow Chicka Wow Wow!
Stay Spooky, Addicts!
Hugs xxx
You addicts have been emailing me ever since the Mevio massacre of our episodes to bring back the first season. Well, I finally found episodes 1-13, and so we will be uploading as many of these as we can during our hiatus. Hear how HorrorAddicts.net started way back in 2008, but don’t be too harsh. We were so young in podcasting, it makes us cringe to hear our newbie foibles. If you are still enthused to listen, here are episodes 1-5. And with the ones we’ve uploaded in December and January, this catches us up! There are now no more lost episodes!
Alone in the Dark Films presents 
Hello Addicts!
HorrorAddicts.net 