By Karina Fabian
It’s the 2040s, and the world has seen the rise of a new pest – zombies. Yes, the reanimated are clawing themselves out of graves or shambling out of morgues and wander the streets. Fortunately, the contagion is mostly controlled, and these corpsicles are the exception rather than the rule. Nonetheless, one in 20 Americans will have a close call with a lamebrain of the undead variety.
Should you encounter one, it’s good to keep these things in mind:
- Zombies are not the dead come back to life. That is not you Aunt Maisy eager to embarrass you with a public display of affection. That’s a soulless, animated corpse that wants to bite you, infect you, and if she was a fan of zombie lore, eat your brains. There are no exceptions.
- Zombies are not intelligent. But they do retain certain skills, attitudes and habits developed in real life. Martial artists and dancers may still have their moves, even if they lose body parts during the routine. Someone who went fishing every Saturday could return to its favorite spot, maybe even with a pole. As we’ve recently seen with the Crappy Crude attack in Richmond, people can program their brains to come back with a certain mission or purpose through the use of attitude immersion and catchy tunes. Which is why this next point is so important.
- The best way to stop a zombie is to sever the spine, preferably right after the person has died. Bullets to the head or smashing the skull make good TV, but if you don’t destroy the brain, the zombie will keep going. Sever the spine, and the active brain will not be able to make the body move.
- Regardless of what preferences the zombie has, certain things usually repel it. Heavy chemical products like household cleaners with bleach or ammonia (not the Green stuff) and insecticides can, at least temporarily, hold back a zombie’s advance. Thus, splashing a line between you and it could give you enough time to run, or tracing a circle around yourself may cause it to pass you by. If the person worked regularly with these kinds of products before death, such as as a housekeeper or non-organic farmer, these will not phase them, however.
- Leave the zombie killing to the professionals. We’re not living a season of The Walking Dead. Rare common sense thinking meant strong protocols were put in place early to prevent the zombie apocalypse. Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean individual stupidities won’t increase the spread of zombieism. Most untrained individuals who try to take on a shambler alone end up being bitten and infecting themselves or others or creating a mess that spreads the contagion. Licensed zombie exterminators are on-hand 24/7/365 to take on the zombies. If you have to fight, then fight smart, but otherwise, run and call 9-1-1.
For more information, check out the Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator novels by Karina Fabian. Also in audiobook, narrated by Becky Parker.
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