Live Action Reviews! by Crystal Connor: Welp

Hours before the sun rose on Oct 12th, 2015, Crystal Connor, with a bag of popcorn, piping hot blueberry pop tarts and a coke, flopped down on the couch and picked up her remote as she ignore her begging dog. For the next two hours her neighbors were subjected to screaming, crying, and expletive outburst…

This is the unedited journal chronicling the harrowing experience her neighbors were forced to endure as she watched, Jonas Govaerts 2014 Welp

images1331982_cub_welp10

Reader discretion is Advised

Entry 1: Now that’s how you do an opening!

Entry 2: Why doesn’t anyone listen to the locals?

Entry 3: No! Don’t investigate.

Entry 4: This is why, God forbid, if I ever had kids I would NEVER allow them to go camping w/a bunch of 20 somethings

Entry 5: Ok, tough guy

Entry 6: OMFG this is not a good idea at all

Entry 7: Now what in the hell,

Entry 8: What the…RUN!

Entry 9: That moment when you find yourself knee deep in dead bodies, call the police and hear his phone ringing among the deceased

Entry 10: No, you need to listen to what the kids are trying to tell you

Entry 11: Poor kids, lol

Entry 12: That’s not Sam

Entry 13: I don’t understand why kids aren’t afraid of anything…this is exactly how shit goes wrong

Entry 14: See! You should have listened to him

Entry 15: WHAT?!! Your just gonna leave them there, their children!!

Entry 16: Oh sweet Jesus

Entry 17: Good! That’s what you get

Entry 18: Wow.

Entry 19: OMFG WOW!!!

Entry 20: (ಠ_ಠ)

Entry 21: I need to turn on all my lights, hug my dog and pray to God.

Plotline: Over-imaginative 12 year-old Sam heads off to the woods to summer scout camp with his pack convinced he will encounter a monster…and he does.

 Who would like it: Fans of classic 80s slasher films, fans of foreign films, and urban legends.

Horror Level: For me it was a solid five

High Points: I loved everything about this movie, and I mean everything from the characters, the pacing, the old school way it was film …everything.

Complaints: None

Overall: I am going to watch this again, it felt so nostalgic, reminding me why I feel in love with horror movies in the 1st place.

Just like the original Friday the 13th and Halloween, none of the characters are doing anything stupid like pulling pranks that will get each other killed, playing with Ouija boards in hopes of conjuring up the devil, or dancing on graves.

These guys were just camping in the wrong place at the wrong time, but they weren’t trespassing. The park ranger knew where they were and told them to keep their cell on, which they did.

And yes, there’s sex but what they did that we (North American’s) don’t was divert the eye from gratuitous nudity which is something I wish more America horror filmmakers would do as well.

This is a slasher film, it’s a violent film, but it isn’t torture porn.

I’ve had my eye on Scandinavian horror films since seeing Ole Bornedal’s 2007 The Substitute but at the time I was consuming so much Korean horror that I wasn’t paying as close attention as I should have, but Tomas Alfredson’s 2008 Let The Right One In abruptly corrected that error.

Even though a strong presence of indie horror and science fiction film writers has rekindled my love for domesticated terror I still watch a lot of foreign horror but with movies like Borgman, Priest of Evil, When Animals Dream, Night Night Mommy, and now Welp, it’s the Nordic/Scandinavian horror movies that are quickly becoming to dominate my movie viewing preference.

Stars: 5

Where I watched it: Amazon Prime

**Update 11/30/2015**

OMG…I recv’d the most amazing email about this review from the director himself Jonas Govaerts!! and he closed it by saying “One little thing – we’re from Belgium…” 

D’oh! How friggin embarrassing, but I can explain. The reason I made this mistake is due to the lazy way in which I categorize my movies which is exactly like this:

HOME GROWN

EURO

:UK

:Nordic

:German

:French

MIDDLE EAST

FAR EAST

LATIN

See, I told you it was lazy lol. I do that because I actually read the subtitles (I hate voice overs) so I sort them to where I think the language is from. Moving forward I am going to be getting the countries right in my reviews. I was falling all over myself apologizing for my mistake but he was super cool about it. Thanks for checking out my post, and if you haven’t already go watch this kick a$$ movie from Belgium! 

Books

Washington State native Crystal Connor has been terrorizing readers since before Jr. high School and loves anything to do with monsters, bad guys, rogue scientific experiments, jewelry, sky-high high heel shoes & unreasonably priced hang bags. She is also considering changing her professional title to ‘dramatization specialist’ because it’s so much more theatrical than being just a mere drama queen. Crystal’s latest projects can be found both on her blog and Facebook fan page at:

http://wordsmithcrystalconnor.blogspot.com

http://www.facebook.com/notesfromtheauthor

Download your free copy of …And They All Lived Happily Ever After! from Podiobooks.com and see why the name Crystal Connor has become “A Trusted Name in Terror!” 

http://podiobooks.com/title/and-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after

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