As last you may remember, I was being held captive in a castle in Los Angeles, abandoned to my fate by my captors–Gothabilly rockers extraordinaire, The Barbarellatones–who had flown to Eastern Europe for a clandestine meeting with descendants of Dr. Frankenstein. Thankfully, our esteemed and fearless leader, Emerian Rich, dispatched her ravens, which located me in the turret, removed my restraints, and gave me a snack. Once freed, I was on my way to my next assignment in dismal, sunny Australia, where I was to meet with heavy horror rockers, Spaulding. Upon arriving at the band’s favorite hangout -the alley behind their hometown morgue- and finding said area deserted, I was intercepted by a tiny, fearsome creature that identified himself as Intergalactic Space Wool. A creature of fuzzy yet menacing appearance, he informed me that the band members used mental telepathy to speak through him and he would, therefore, be answering all interview questions. The alien being then proceeded to pull questions and implant answers and other atrocious and unmentionable notions into my brain. He then stomped on my right foot while shouting fiendish phrases, indeed an unearthly incantation, and I instantly found myself back at Horror Addicts HQ, both my mind and big toe throbbing with pain. Once resident staff physician, Dr. Golem, had removed the answers from my brain, along with the other torturous implants, I was able to transcribe the interview here for you by use of my trusty spell-enhanced 1984 Wheelwriter. I hope you enjoy the strange words which follow.
Spaulding: An Interview
First, for the obvious question: Is the band named after the infamous Rob Zombie character, Captain Spaulding? If not, what are the origins of/inspiration for, the name?
No connection, TBH, it is more closely affiliated with Wilson from Castaway.
How did Spaulding get together?
Nadia and I (Steev) had been playing as Spaulding for a while, and slowly over time, found likeminded individuals, to join us in our endeavors to spread the plague.
Who are the members of Spaulding and what does each member do? Is there a solid line-up?
Nardz – eats and gets angry (sometimes plays bass)
Loz – Drinks and Bangs Things (Occasionally Drums)
Henry – Delivers sass and plays effects (guitar)
Steev Killface – Squeals like a pig, and forgets everything (occasionally remembers lyrics)
I assure you none of us are ethereal beings.
What’s the inspiration behind your chirpy, light-hearted hit single, “The Miracle of Birth”? How has the reaction been to this song?
Every body’s response has been great to this lighthearted tale of removing fetuses with wire coat hangers…
How does horror inspire your song writing?
Not as much as Phil Collins has…
What kinds of horror art and culture are you into?
The answer for all of that is erotic… Complete and utter obscene erotica… also graphic novels, and classic films such as Toxic Avenger, The Human Centipede and Flubber.
Who are some artists/bands that you love to listen to?
We all have very different tastes as individuals; personally I just like to listen to old looney tunes cartoons and the sounds of children screaming.
But on a serious note between us we vary from industrial nu metal to psych rock, death metal, Goth rock and blues. We all have the bands we grew up with and can’t let go of, Smash mouth, Backstreet Boys, and even Celine Dion.
Why is unicorn jizz so delicious?
Clearly it’s because of all the pineapples they eat, that’s why they all live in Mexico.
What inspires you to create?
The fear of not creating, an undying relentless urge to defile the orifice of anyone dumb enough to give me the time of day.
Do you believe in the existence of evil?
No I don’t believe. Life is wonderful and fair and just and everyone lives to an old age with no bad things ever happening to anyone.
Can dark music be a positive force in society?
I feel dark music has done wonders for the Catholic Church.
Do you think anyone outside the horror scene really pays attention to what we’re doing? I mean, are the glory days of being a threatening force behind us -like when parents were terrified of W.A.S.P. and Slayer in the 1980s?
Unfortunately not, everyone these days has been too desensitized by the growing urge to rebel and stand out. Pop stars are whores and no one blinks an eye, even murder isn’t what it used to be… It is impossible to offend masses without doing something completely extreme such as rape or pedophilia and the day entertainment comes to that, we’re out.
If all the members of Spaulding could join their bodies together to form one gigantic super monster, what would that monster be?
The Human Centipede…
How do you feel about clowns?
Is this a trick question?
What can you tell us about intergalactic space wool?
No one is truly sure of the space wool’s origins… What we do know however is he is a malevolent being, existing within the realms of the human plane of existence, corrupting human minds and spreading a dark plague throughout humanity…
Your lyrics speak of real-life horrors (“Morning After”, “Family Values”) and supernatural horrors (“Midnight Snacks”). Is this intentional or do you just write about whatever comes to mind?
Whatever keeps me up at night…? I never set out with a topic in mind; I basically just string words together and see what comes out.
What is your favorite kind of curse?
Steev is quite fond of FUCK, I think that Loz would probably side with Cockwomble, I don’t know how many times a day Nardz uses the phrase “Oh Get Fucked” and Henry’s a good old fashion cunt man.
What does the future hold for Spaulding?
WORLD DOMINATION or, these nuts….
How can we keep up with the band?
And on insta @Spaulding_band